The Bond Beyond
The Bond Beyond is a mother-daughter connection rooted in laughter, unconditional love, and the quiet moments that shape a lifetime. A bond that grows beyond logic, filled with warmth, guidance and love that only deepens with time.
The Bond Beyond
Friendships & Red Flags
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This episode we’re talking all about friendships and the red flags we sometimes ignore. From jealous behavior and fake support to one-sided friendships and drama, we’re diving into the signs that a friendship may no longer be healthy. We’ll also talk about boundaries, outgrowing people, and what genuine friendship should actually feel like. If you’ve ever questioned a friendship or felt emotionally exhausted by one, this episode is for you.
Welcome to the Bond Beyond, a mother-daughter podcast where real conversations, real love, and real life meet.
SPEAKER_02I'm Rashida. I'm Task Today. Here we talk about the bond that goes beyond generations, beyond expectations, and beyond words. So today's topic, oh, it's gonna be juicy, juicy, juicy. So if you're driving, buckle up again. If you're home, get a comfy seat, couch, chair. If it's beautiful outside, go in the deck patio, get yourself a drink, get yourself some snacks. It's juicy. It's gonna be a good good one, everybody. Friendships and red flags. You know that song. Yeah. Anywho, I can't sing it, but you know that song. Um, so yeah, this is gonna be a good, good one. I'm excited to do this one because friendships are important, friendships are challenging, friendships are difficult, and the red flags. So, Taz, how about you start us off? Let's hear it. What you got? What you thinking about, girl?
SPEAKER_01So, first I wanted to share the at like my circle of friends. Um, I feel like I have three really good friends, one from high school, one from work, and one from church. And I have a few childhood friends growing growing up because your friends had children, so then we got to get to know each other. So those are my childhood friends. Makes sense. To get my keep my circle real small, you know. Okay, okay. I feel like for me, I'm associated with a lot of people. Like even when I'm out going to a grocery store or go to a restaurant, people know who you are. People know who I am.
SPEAKER_02Oh, pause real quick. You said associates. Associates. Can you explain that? Did someone teach you that when you were younger? Yes, you did. I did. Yeah, everyone's not your friend. Everyone is not your friend. Do you hear that, people? Regardless of what age you are, everyone is not your friend. When my children were growing up, excuse me, that mom, mom, I met a new friend. You did? Yeah, I did. No, you're just playing with them at the park. They're not your friend. You have friends, you have classmates, and you have associates. That's what you have. Right exactly.
SPEAKER_01Because my one childhood friend gave me a godson. So I have a godson. And then my other childfriend, I watched her dog sometimes, and then I was invited to her wedding. So, like, there's people that I stay connected with throughout my life as I became an adult. Yes. Um, but for right now, in my 20s, I have really good three girlfriends that I consider friends, and then we are able to hang out with their friends. Yeah. So like then I get to meet their people who they work with so we that we're all able to associate ourselves together. I love that. And being an associate is just being able to hang out in the same vicinity with a friend you actually have. But I feel like friends are people you talk to, reach out, um, see how they're doing, what they're going through. Hey, just want to check in. Or you're asking, oh, let's go to the movies. What are you doing? You're there for each other. Like you're there for each other. You're checking in, you're always communicating. It may not be every day, it may not be weekly, monthly, but like you're still know your connection with that person.
SPEAKER_02Yes. And the best part of it is even if you're not with someone each and every day and they are considered your friend, you know, some people use the word bestie or whatever. Yes, you're you should be able to pick up where you left off. There, you know, there's no tension, there's no any animosity or anything like that. It's like, oh my god, I'm so glad we caught up. It's been so long. Yeah. And two, excuse me, the older you get, that happens. We all have different lives. We could be in relationships, we could have children, you know, all these different things. So a lot of that does change. So I I love that. Yes.
SPEAKER_01And my friend from high school is my best friend.
SPEAKER_02Love that, love that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. But from college, I only have really three good guy friends that I still am connected with. But other than that, guy friends are fun. Yeah. They are. They're it's never a dull moment with them. They're very entertaining. Um, the next thing I wanted to also discuss is like when I do see people that I know, like I like the people, like, even people that I went to high school with, but we were never friends, or like anything. We just say, Hi. Hey, blah blah blah, how you doing? Good, how are you? And keep it moving.
SPEAKER_02Yes, like you see each other at the store, maybe, or something like that, just passing by.
SPEAKER_01It bothers me when people who know me see me and don't say anything.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, they're just staring at you.
SPEAKER_01They're just staring. And then I go and then I have to be the bigger person to be like, oh hey, blah, blah, blah. They're like, oh, Tess, hey, you saw me 20 minutes ago.
SPEAKER_02So you're better than me, because I'm not even speaking to them. Because they're not my friend. So we're not speaking to them.
SPEAKER_01Like, you saw me already, but you couldn't, you saw me first, but you couldn't speak. Yeah. So that's another thing. And two, I don't be hugging anybody. So if we truly were close and we had a relationship or like we have a good connection, yes, and I'm excited to see you and hug you, that means something. Because I don't be hugging everybody.
SPEAKER_00You're too funny. You are too too funny.
SPEAKER_01I do not. But so now, do you want to dive into your friendships? How many you have?
SPEAKER_02And then I wasn't gonna really explain all that on my part, but I feel like people come and go all throughout our lives.
SPEAKER_01Yes, they do.
SPEAKER_02I do have friends, a friend that I've known since grade school, and her and I still speak and are close, so which is awesome. Um, I have friends who have connected me with their friends, so we've all become friends together. Um, obviously, I have um friends from um school. I did not go to college. Um, I have I wouldn't so I here we go, pause. The work friend thing, like you can become friends with somebody at work. It is an actual thing to can actually happen. I have made some of my best friendships with people at work, but you don't always stay at that job. No, and then you move on. Yes. I am the type of person to always reach out, to always be connected. I am the party planner, I'm the this or that or all the time. So like I would reach out, I would this and that, and then it would just die down. So like I stopped. There's some great guys that I was friends with that we don't talk anymore, but I'm always reaching out. Hey, it's just thinking about you. How are you? The wife, the kids. There's people who had children, and of course, like when all those memories come back up on Facebook, I'm like, oh my god, we used to hang out all the time, the kids were great. So I do miss the friendships I had with people I was friends with at work. I try to keep those connections. I'm trying to think um, my one friend, yeah, no, like it's all died down eventually because I've stopped reaching out because I'm tired of trying, then it all dies down. I will say that currently where I'm at, we have companies within our office. Someone is no longer in my office, but has moved to a different location, and that person and I still talk and communicate. So we do still kind of work together since we're all still not under the same umbrella, but we're at different locations, so it's really nice to still have that connection. But yeah, so I have friends from grade school, no one from middle school, friends from high school, um, uh, friends from work. Um, we're associates too, also. And then I have, I would just say I have one good friend at church, yeah. Um, associates with a lot of people, but one really, really good friend at church. Um, I have family at church, people that I grew up with when I was younger. They're not blood, but to me, they are family. Um, but relationships do come and go because our lives change. And whether it's good, bad, or indifferent, regardless on how you see it or how the other person sees it, sometimes you just grow apart.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02There's there's no confrontation in there, nothing happened. You know, no one's upset with each other. It's just they we just parted ways, and sometimes it does that. Excuse me.
SPEAKER_01Growing friendships is a part of growth.
SPEAKER_02Yes, it is a part of growth, it's a part of life. I feel like each part of that helps us and it shapes your life for sure. Um, some friendships end by growing and aging, and that is okay. And some of those friends feel like every exit needs an explanation. So those friends are like, so why don't we talk anymore? I'm like, I we just we just don't. Like, you're still out partying at 40 and 50 years old, and I'm trying to be in the house by nine. Is the event over at eight? Because I want to be home by nine. Sometimes I'm not on that same pathway as that person, so we've just grown apart, or some of my friends have grandchildren, and I don't. So they're at a different point of their life with their grandchildren and things like that. So it can just be all different, but not every time a relationship ends doesn't need an explanation. And I'm talking about a friendship relationship. Obviously, if you're in a romantic relationship with somebody, we need a reason. We need to talk about that. But with friendship, sometimes you just grow apart and that's what it is. But then, you know, oh my god, they haven't reached out. Rashida hasn't reached out in like three months. I must have done something wrong. Hey, you doing good? Yeah, I'm fine. Why haven't we hung out? I mean, I'm busy and so are you, and it is what it is, and just be like yes, life be life, and you don't need an explanation, but most don't. It's not necessary. So, you know, like I said, I have friends from all different aspects of my life. The hardest friendships were of the people from work, like I said. Um, some of them I truly do miss because I thought we were cool, we were good, but I get it, we don't see each other every day anymore. They've got a whole new group of friends and things like that. Yeah, but you know, you gotta move on and grow from there. So that could be very, really different. Um, you the one thing that I always talk about too, that is a red flag to me, because this is friendships and red flags, is that if that person you're friends with doesn't have any other friends, that's something to think about. Like just everybody just think about that. Let that sink in. You now have a friend. Uh I will tell you this. Sally and Bob are my two favorite names to use.
SPEAKER_01Sally and Bob.
SPEAKER_02You can ask my children, they can vouch for that. They are nobody. Like, if your name is Sally and you're listening, and your name is Bob and you're listening, I apologize. This is not about you at all whatsoever. I let's say that I met Sally and I met Sally at work. And of course, we're out together all for a social hour at work. And Sally is hilarious. She says the funniest things, she brings in the best cookies, and I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna invite her to bingo.
unknownI love bingo.
SPEAKER_02So Sally and I go to bingo, and it's great. She loves it too. And I'm like, oh, next time, you know, I'm gonna invite some friends, you should. Oh, okay. And all she says is okay. So now we're at bingo again, and I got three friends with me, and Sally just came. Sally, you don't have anybody? Oh, no one was available. This and that. They keep making up excuses. I've dealt with this before. They keep pushing it away, or whatever the case may be, and you're like, I wonder what's happening. So, hey Sally, who are some of your friends? Like, who do you hang with? What are you doing this weekend? Oh, I'm not doing much, or this, this, and that. When you get to know that person better, if they have no friends from school, whether it's grade school, whether it's college, if they don't have a friend from their past job, like why doesn't this person have any friends? To me, that's a red flag. They must be doing something wrong. Something must be wrong with them, and I now need to get away from this person because it's not gonna be pretty. If that person doesn't have friends, just like if you're in a romantic relationship, are you gonna date someone who doesn't have parents, cousins, aunts, uncles, no friends? You're just gonna go in that relationship and feel comfortable? Heck no. You want to get the perspective of other people and you want to be around all of that. So to me, that's a red flag when you start hanging with someone and they never invite their people or ask you to come over because they're doing something with their group, because that's how you kind of start intertwining too.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02You know, I'm now over Sally's house with Sally's people, I'm inviting Sally over now into my house with my people, so on and so forth. A lot of those things intertwine. Some people might have different pods or different groups of friends too that they hang with and do. But that's a big red flag to me. If you hang with someone, know someone, and they don't have any other friends besides you. Like, what is that about?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I've I have questions. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I have actually 10 red flags that I've come up with.
SPEAKER_02That's my big one, is that I can't wait to hear yours.
SPEAKER_01Um, so the first one that I put down is compete with you. Um like meaning they downplay your accomplishments, change the subject when you're excited about something and you're sharing, or become distant when life is going well for you because it's not happening for them.
SPEAKER_02Yes, I've I've dealt with that in my younger years, but I have dealt with that.
SPEAKER_01Definitely younger years. Yes. I'm like celebrating your wins without having to make it about them. Yes, that is a true friendship. Yes. Red flag number two. Okay. When you feel drained after being around them, that clock it. Because like you have to do it. Or just even talking to them on the phone. You don't even want to hit the button and talk. Yeah. Like, pay attention to your body, your emotions, the way you're reacting. That's a good one. To them speaking to you on the phone or in person. Yeah. Because if conversations like make you feel like that emotional and you're stressed, and it's so negative, that's a good one. And like, you need to ask yourself, do I feel anxious before talking to this person? Yeah. Why does this person trigger me every time we're talking to each other?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Like there's a reason. There's a reason. It's time to get away. There's a reason.
SPEAKER_01Because friendship should not feel consistently like you're in survivor mode. Correct. I agree. That is a no-go for me. Um, red flag number three.
SPEAKER_02I just keep hearing the song in my head the whole time.
SPEAKER_01They only support you publicly. Some people act supportive online but are absent in real life. I know somebody who I'm blood related to. Okay. Yes. Yeah. That bothers me. Yeah. That's a good one.
SPEAKER_02I like that one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Triggering.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Especially too, like a performative friendship is real. Like you always being there no matter what, good or bad. Indifference. Yes. Number four. They keep score. This is a big one for me. What do you mean by keep score? Like, oh, I've done that too. Like, so not so healthy rel healthy friendships should not be transactional. What I mean by keeping score is when people, when like a friend says, after everything I've done for you, oh, because they've done it, now you have to do it.
SPEAKER_02Okay, okay.
SPEAKER_01Or they're like bringing up favors repeatedly. Remember when I did that for you? Did this for you? Okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, I okay. That that makes sense. That that makes sense. Yeah, and it shouldn't be that way. Um, because too, like, if you you guys are going out, whatever. I don't know, for breakfast or whatever. I got you. You got me, or we know we pay separately, or whatever. But like, some two, because two, a friend could be going through a hard time, and you could be there helping them and guiding them and things like that. Yep. And net, you know, and maybe, I don't know, help them pay a bill or go get groceries for them. And then next thing well, remember when I got you those groceries? So I okay, makes sense. And you call that keeping score.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Okay, okay. But makes sense. Oh what you like on what they did for you.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01It's annoying.
SPEAKER_02Okay, yeah, that would be annoying. That's not a friendship, but red flag.
SPEAKER_01Most of this stuff happened to me in high school, and in my in my 20s, I'm I'm like, oh yeah, that was one. That was one.
SPEAKER_02As I'm just thinking about it. We do, we learn as we grow. Yeah. Yeah, we learn as we grow. And two, it's making me think back from when I was younger in high school and in my 20s. I'm like, oh yeah, yeah, because I don't I don't have that same group of friends.
SPEAKER_01No. Yeah. Okay. Red flag number five. They gossip about everyone. If someone is constantly, constantly tearing others down to make them feel good, you eventually be part of the conversation as well. Even as they're friends.
SPEAKER_02Yes. What do they say? I don't want to be at a table that I'm talked about, or there was a saying.
SPEAKER_01Like, I don't know that one.
SPEAKER_02Well, it's I'm trying to think of it now, and I'll probably think of it later. And everybody else is probably shouting it out while they're listening to this. Uh, I don't want to be invited to a table. Then when I get up, I'm the source of conversation, or they talk about me. So like the topic of discussion. Yeah. So like that's you and I sitting at a table, and as soon as you get up, oh, I can't stand that girl. She gets on my laughter. Oh, hey girl, how are you doing? Because she's back now.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So okay, that makes sense. Okay.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Because too, like, even when they like sharing private information about you to other people, that is triggering to me. Yeah. But then you're wondering, how does someone else know your business? Like, if they would accidentally bring it up, oh, how is this? I'm like, only told one person.
SPEAKER_02How do you know? And two, you shouldn't have to tell that person that's your friend, like, hey, Taciday, I'm about to tell you something, but you can't tell anybody. So if you have to say that to that person, do you even trust that person to begin with that you're telling? You should be able to share those things and know that they're not going to pass it along to anybody. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Yes, yes, yes. If someone has to say, Well, don't tell anyone this, yeah. What I'm about to tell you. Yeah. Because then if it was a real friend, you would know not to say anything. Like, just that's like the saying, whatever stays in this, whatever happens in this room, stays in this room.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Like you shouldn't have to say those things for that person to not tell anybody else.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that is correct. Because, like I said, if you have to ask that person that, then I feel as though you're not comfortable with telling them from the beginning. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01Red flag number six. Not respecting boundaries. Meaning getting they get angry at you for prioritizing yourself. Or they get mad that you don't express why you're like why would like your busy schedule to be like, oh, we haven't like what you said already. Why we haven't hung out already? Yeah. Like I haven't heard from you. Just respecting boundaries. In a way that your friends also need space. You don't need to be around each other 24-7 365 days of the year.
SPEAKER_02And two, the phone works both ways. Excuse me. So if you haven't heard from someone in so long, you can reach out to them, and that's okay. So, and I do understand what you mean, look, because somebody too could have just gone through something. I don't know, a hard breakup or whatever, and you're not there because it's your busy season. You're working one of your businesses. You weren't there for me when I needed you. I told you I was working. Like I don't know how else to say it. I texted you, I checked in on you. Well, Sally took me out for drinks, is what she did, and you didn't do anything with me or for me. So da-da-da-da-da. So, yeah, okay. That yes, that makes sense. And we we have to you have to be kind to others, even though you might be going through something if you haven't talked to that friend. If you consider a friend in a while, they could be going through something and you're not sure.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_02Or they could be experiencing something for the first time that's tragic to them. You've never experienced that in your own situation, so then you don't know how to contact them or ask them, you know, those questions.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I think too, love without like respect becomes control. Like they just want to control you. Yeah. Because they don't have any respect of what you're saying or what you need. Yeah. And then becomes control. Yeah. I agree with that. Red flag number seven. They don't take accountability. Some friends disappear the second you address an issue with them.
SPEAKER_02Oh, and two, once again, you should be able to speak so that if you have an issue with the friendship, hey, I didn't like the way you spoke to me the other day. Yeah. Can't stand her. She thinks she's better than me and she's telling me she didn't like the way I spoke. I don't like the way she just spoke to me now. But you're not saying, you know what, Tasse, I do apologize about that. But next time, can you take me to the other room so other people don't hear or whatever? You have to be able to respect that person and respect yourself enough to be mature enough to bring up those things.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Can you repeat that one again? They don't take accountability. Some friends disappear the second you address an issue. And two, I feel like two, most of the time, like in high school and college, like I didn't have a filter. Like when I saw someone disrespect someone who was so called their friend, yeah, like I knew they didn't like them. That's what they were telling me. But then to their face, they're being all buddy buddy. Yeah. And I'm like, that's weird. So then I bring it up to them. Yeah. They had an issue with it. But people don't know how to be like, hey Tass, I didn't like the way like no one in my life that has been a friend to me has been like, hey Tass, I didn't like the way you spoke to me. They just end up not talking to me anymore, and then we're not friends. Like I feel like more people need to speak up on how they feel because honestly, if I knew that I hurt your feelings, then I would have apologized.
SPEAKER_02Yes, if if you don't tell me, I don't know.
SPEAKER_01If you don't tell me, then I don't know, and then I can't fix my actions.
SPEAKER_02Yes, that is correct. Because two, the way I'm talking to you, I could think it's fine. It's a good tone. I'm not rude or disrespectful, but the way you're hearing it can be completely opposite. Exactly. So you have to let me know, hey, what you just said to me or how you're saying it, this is how it's making me feel. You know what? I apologize. Thank you so much for bringing that up. I'll make sure next time that we have a conversation or we talk that I take that time to respect you and to respect your boundaries and all those things because it's true.
SPEAKER_03Exactly.
SPEAKER_02Because if you if I don't know, if I don't know what you're feeling or going through, then because two, the day I want to say something to you could be a horrible day for you.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02And you I wouldn't know that. I would not know that because one, you didn't tell me, and I'm coming at you like, you know, you keep talking about Sally and Bob, and you're gonna have to fix that because you can't hang, and then you start crying, you're like, all I said was once again, you just need to share those things. You don't even have to get into deep detail if you don't want to. You know what? Today's not a good day. If you can just give me a moment, I would love to speak to you, but not right now.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Or can we have this conversation another day?
SPEAKER_02Yep.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Yeah. Like a mature friendship can handle honest conversations. Yes. Like you should be able to handle it. Yes. Like if you cannot be honest with your friend and they don't take it to heart and you solve your issue and smash it then and there, and you still have your friendship after that day, then it was all worth it. Yes. Like you can continue your friendship. Yeah. Build on that.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Because if not, then it just keeps going down. Yes. Red flag number eight. They celebrate your broken version. Oh, that's deep. They celebrate your broken version. Yes. What I mean is some people liked you more when you lacked confidence or when you couldn't afford your bills and you knew they had money, so they were helping you pay rent or help you pay groceries. Like they needed you, like you were quiet, so they spoke for you. Like, hey, this person, like more I feel like more people have like friends because two, you're either scared of that person, or like since they did so much for you, you don't want to overstep and be like, oh, I need this friendship. Like they then you think you owe that person so much of your life because they did so much for you, but you were down at that time. That doesn't mean anything.
SPEAKER_02You're right. Because if they were your true friend, I'm doing this because I love you and care for you. I want nothing in return.
SPEAKER_01Yes. You need a gas money.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01You give someone your last five dollars. Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. That's a really, really good one.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Because too, I like not that I know I'm about to go off topic, but just like when you see homeless people, like you don't know that they just lost their job or something, like, and they asked for money. Sorry, I don't have any right now, but when you do, oh, give them a dollar to like help people out. Yeah, like don't hold yourself so high up, like you're all and mighty, you're not God to treat people like that. Just because you are high and mighty and your friends are low and they need help right now to become where you are, that doesn't mean you can stomp all over them.
SPEAKER_02And the other thing too is if a friend is helping you, and let's say someone has helped this friend several times.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Now that friend is on their feet and are doing things, but they have they still have moments where they struggle or whatever. You know what? I will lend you $500. No interest, pay me back when you can. And then now five years goes by. You haven't seen a dollar or five or ten or fifteen of that money. That's not right either.
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_02Like if they are working with you but trying to make you responsible with paying back or whatever that looks like, you need to do that. If it's $40 a month, guess what? Give them $40 a month.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, at least try to pay them back and respect that friendship when they supported you when you were down, or at least try to give back to them.
SPEAKER_02Because that means they're always gonna be there to help you. Because you you made a promise, you gave me your word, I trusted your word, and now you're following through. Yes, I can help you anytime and every time. Yes.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Red flag number nine. Number nine. You can't fully be yourself around them. If you constantly have to filter your personality and who you are, then that's not a real friendship. I don't ever do that. Like your opinion. Your opinion your opinions, your success, stuff like that. You feel like you can't share because of that friendship.
SPEAKER_02That's a good one. Because some people can I've been around people who have acted different with other people, and I'm like, why are they acting like that? Yeah. That's a good one. Number nine. Number nine. Okay. Drum roll.
SPEAKER_01Red flag number ten. Red flag number ten. They disappear during hard seasons. What does that mean? Meaning that everybody gets busy sometimes, but in difficult moments, um, it reveals your true friendship. Like noticing, checking in constantly, like what connects with that too, is just one-sided effort. Like you're always calling, you're always reaching out. Oh, okay. You brought that up before. That's what I mean. Like, even like during your hardest times, or not, maybe not even your hardest times. Even when you're living a good life, you don't hear from that person. Why is that?
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like you should still be able to check in and be like, hey, haven't talked for so long. How's everything going? How's your family? How's your friends? Yeah. I mean, how's your husband? Whatever. Yeah. And then you keep it moving. Like some people just disappear. Yeah. Like even work people, like, why?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Like we were friends during work. We can still be friends outside of work if our friendship really meant something. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And it's, and it's like I said, it's just checking in. It's hey, I have this annual thing. You should come. That's something I do. I do a friendsgiving. I used to do it every year, but it became a lot. So I do it every even year. And this year's the even year, so I will be having Friendsgiving this year. Um, and my children love it. Um, the people who get invited love it. And believe it or not, the people who get invited, that changes all the time because hence the word friends giving. The friends are the people I reach out to and things like that. The ones who text me and I text you back. So when you get invited to something like that, not that it's a privilege, yeah, but it's like, oh, I still mean something to this person. Thank you for taking the time to invite me. And that's to anything.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02I will say this: everyone gets invited to graduation parties, everyone gets invited to baby showers because everybody needs the gifts and all that. And ain't that wrong with it. I'm not bashing you or anything like that, but when you get invited to, you know, your friends' birthday parties or like those small group gatherings, you know, that is something that is intimate between you and that person, so which is great. Like, for example, we have a book club. Yes, I invited my group, and some stick some stuck around, and some were just like it's not for me, and that is okay. But we have become closer because of the book club, and I love that for us, the conversations that we have, the things that we do, the places that we end up meeting at, each other's homes, or um going to different restaurants and things like that. So it friendships help us grow, um, they help us learn, and I truly, truly feel like you know, they're very, very important. And two, my daughter and I are friends. You never think you're gonna be friends with your child.
SPEAKER_01You're like, never. I'm not one of your friends.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, when they were little, I'm not one of your little friends all the time, but you do become friends because one, we travel together, we're doing this podcast together, we are always collaborating together, and we just have a good time with each other, but then we separate ourselves. A lot of people are sick of us, and it is what it is, but we separate ourselves like we do. She has her group of friends, I have my group of friends, I go on trips without her, she goes on trips without me. We do our own things, and that's how friendship should be. There should be no jealousy with it. Oh, why do you get invited? And I didn't get invited. Everything is not for everybody. No, and here's the thing: if you don't get invited, guess what? That's great. Stay home, sit on your couch, and save money. Saving money. I don't get upset about those things. I will tell you this: the only thing that I am FOMA with is my children's friends. I have a lot of friends who have children who are still in grade school. So, like, their little birthday parties, their little functions at school. I want to be a part of that. Like, those are the things I want to be a part of. But if you're having a party with your neighbors, I'm not your neighbor. Have that party, enjoy yourself. If you're having a party with your church friends, I'm not friends with all those people. Have that party, enjoy yourself. That doesn't bother me, it doesn't faze me because I make my own plans, I do my own things. And here's the thing, too, people, even though we have all the friends, please go and date yourself. Whether you are man, woman, however you identify, whoever is listening, date yourself. Be your friend first. Period. Get to know yourself, love on yourself, pour into yourself so you're not out there searching for that friend for the things you need poured into you.
SPEAKER_01To feel the voids and traumas that you're dealing with. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Heal that first. Heal all of it first before you find friends, before you get in a romantic relationship, all of that. Yes. I love going to the movies by myself, I love eating by myself, I love taking walks by myself. Like, I am okay being by myself. Like, and I've taught my children to be able to be okay and comfortable by themselves too. So make sure you're comfortable with yourself first, then get in with the friends group and things like that. But if you always need somebody to go eat, and you always need somebody to go to the movies, take another look at yourself and see what you can do differently and maybe change so you can better your life, better all the things that are going on with you.
SPEAKER_01So change your mindset.
SPEAKER_02Yes. Yes, most definitely. Yes. And don't try to fight for that friend that is not reaching back out or not texting you back when you ask, or every time you make plans, they cancel. No, no, no, no, no. Let them. Let them. Um, shout out to Mel Robbins. Um, so I will say that I make dinner plans with three of my friends. So every other month I go at a local restaurant and sit and eat, catch up. It's just one-on-one with that person. It's only three out of all the ones that you know I love, adore, and hang out with, and that is okay. And we catch up, we laugh, we cry, you know, and before we leave, we set another date on the calendar so that we can do those things. And don't get me wrong, sometimes things come up, yeah, you end up having to cancel, reschedule, and it's okay to do so. It really, really is.
SPEAKER_01I think another important thing is when your friend invites you to their birthday party or something, show up for them.
SPEAKER_02Yes, they invited you for a reason. Yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01Every time you get invited to something, show up. Yes. Because when you continue to say no, no, no, then they stop inviting you and then you want to show up and ask why they didn't invite you because you're not showing up for them in the first place. So why be on the invitation? Yes, and two, it's okay to say no.
SPEAKER_02You need to set your boundaries, but respond yes or no. That whole maybe crap, I can't stand it. You know if you're available or not. Get your phone out, look at your calendar. My whole thing is if it is no and it's two, three times in a row, you don't owe anyone an explanation. But at minimal, send that person a card, email them a gift card, something so that they know that okay, this person does still care. I know they haven't been able to come to the last three functions, but they're always contributing or giving in some type of way so that you know you and that person still have a connection. But once again, you are allowed to say no and you don't owe anybody an explanation, but at least make sure they know why you're not coming and that you still care, love them, and show them and appreciate that love. I have um two friends I'm celebrating now in the month of June that are having birthdays, just so anybody knows, whether you're listening to this now or in the future, it is um what's it called, May of 2026. But I have two friends that are celebrating their 50th birthday in June. And it brings me joy to celebrate other people. That is just who I am. Yeah, if I love you and you are a true friend of me, I want to do what I can and can afford. So I've been texting them, I've been mailing them cards to open, I wrapped all these little small gifts and put dates on them for them to open at random times. I was celebrating their 50 days to their 50th, and I hope they're loving it, I hope they are enjoying it. Others are always doing things for me too, and I so appreciate it, but I do love giving and doing things for other people, so that's one way of you know showing your love for somebody. But I'm very simple, I just love cards. So if you get me a card, I'm content. One that lets me know that you thought about me. Yeah, two, you can go get them at a cheap store and pay nothing for it. So, but yes, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_01Also, too, like when I I love gifting people as well. Like, I love surprising friends with trips or going or just going somewhere for the day, doing brunch, facial, get a massage together, getting our nails done, stuff like that. Yeah, and two, like, even people when I get invited to graduations or baby shower, stuff like that. The thought that counts that you're grateful for my gift, thank you card back is oh yes, like so old school. Yes, so old school that you're grateful for my gift. I'm still like, um, did they ever get like did they ever open it? Or like, do you remember what I got them? Like, I always want to a thank you. Yes. So I know that my gift was valued in a way. Yes. When I get invited to those things and purchase something out of my own money to be there, yes. I just hope more people send thank you cards for things they receive, especially to keep the friendship and to grow friendships.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. No, I agree with that too, because it does. Like if you can't show up, like I was saying, like you just said, yeah, still give something and send it somehow. And it's 2026. Everybody has a registration link. You click it, it gets sent to their house. Like it's so easy or simple. And there's easy, there's so many even I think you can like ego. Gift cards, like so yeah.
SPEAKER_01So many ways to send. Don't show up empty-handed if you're coming to an event.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Like you were invited to.
SPEAKER_02Yes. And two, like treat others as you want to be treated. Yeah. You want to be treated like shit, then you can true, then that's how you're gonna be treated. Like just treat others as you want to be treated, even if it has to do, you know, with as simple as you know, just being friends or whatever the case may be.
SPEAKER_01And true, if you can also reach out, hey, what's something you're really looking for or something that you really want for your birthday, or this, this, that. They tell you, yes, then get that. Yes. Don't, and two, don't try to gift people what you think that you like. Most people gift things that they like, and the person may not like that. Yeah. So also try to gift people more of what they like so you know it's not going to waste and they're keeping it cherishing.
SPEAKER_02And not re-gifting it. Our church does a re-gift every year. It got canceled this year. It's my favorite. Um, so if you've ever gifted me something and you don't see it on me, question mark. Um but so what you do is if you got something over the holidays that you don't want or you're not using anymore, you re-gift it. So it's like a Pollyanna exchange, sorry, white elephant, white elephant exchange at our church. And sometimes it's the funniest things. And each year, it seems to like be a theme of gifts that were given that season. So it's almost like the one year was like nothing but scarves.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_02And then the one year it was like hats. Like it's just so, so funny. So that reminds me of that. But going back to the friends that I've been gifting for 50 days up to their 50th, I actually had them fill out a Google form and I had a series of questions. So I know their likes and dislikes and things that they like. Not that they were gonna get all those things, but it helped me purchase those items for them. It's okay to ask. I I forget things all the gosh darn time, even with my own people that live in my house. So you might have to ask those things again. But yes, yes, yes, yes.
SPEAKER_03Yes.
SPEAKER_02I could go on and on about this. This was a good one. It was a good one. But we're gonna let your ears rest. Um, hopefully, you enjoyed this episode. We were excited about it. Like I said, it was a juicy one. Hopefully, you can relate and think about what we said. If you have some of those red flag quotation friends, um, they're not your friends. So you need to think about that again and reassess those things. Um, if you want to be our friend, you can. Um, just continue to share, like, and subscribe. You are already being our friend. Hopefully, in the future, we have other ways of connecting with you guys. Um, and just wait, we're gonna keep growing and keep loving and keep knowing. And like I said, we can't wait to become friends with you.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_02We want you to know that you are loved, you are valued, and you are never alone.
SPEAKER_01This is the Bond Beyond where connection grows deeper than words.